Tuesday, February 26, 2013

I choose (part one)...

Today Henry and I should have been in Philadelphia at CHOP for his first VEPTR rod expansion...

And while my heart and arms and stomach physically ache from missing him...

I was also able, for the first time since he died...

To think of it this way...

He will not have to go through any more pain.

We won't have to be terrified about intubation.

A dear momma's adopted girl is in the ICU with croup in Colorado at this moment.

Many babies here in the Chicago area are suffering from RSV this time of year (just like Henry did last year).

But there is no more suffering for Henry in heaven.

No more pain or worry or ambulance rides or bedside vigils in the PICU.

I can choose to be joyful about this reality.

And today I will...

Even as tears well up in my eyes.

(Part Two to come Thursday)


  1. No more pain in heaven!
    Hold tight to Jesus...for your pain and sorrow will be gone when you enter into heaven too. For now, this earth is where we suffer for Jesus!!
    Praying for you!!

  2. Prayers and love for you all, as you continue to move forward with such beauty and grace. What an honor to Henry's sweet spirit and memory! You are an AMAZING Mama!!

  3. Henry is so proud of his amazing Mommy! I'm pretty sure he's telling Jesus just that. God bless you and your family, Carla!

  4. Beautiful, Carla. And what a gift you have- To know, with certainty, what very few mothers get to know: that your child is, indeed, with God in heaven.

  5. Beautifully said. I'm praying for you and your family!

  6. I have been through times where I've had to choose to be "ok" moment by moment. I can brush my teeth. I can wash my hair. I can get out of the shower... I imagine choosing joy is similar to that. (And I'm not comparing my pain to yours in any way!!!) Am inspired and so thankful you're able to choose joy today. Prayers!

  7. I love your heart so much! You are an inspiration to me, and Henry is so blissfully happy to have known all your all your love, preparing him for God's love!

    No more pain! Only joy! :)