Monday, April 23, 2012

Operation Re-Attach!!!

When a baby is born, he and his momma spend hours and hours together for months and months...

Each little interaction builds a child's sense of security and love....

It builds him him a "full tank" with reserves for those times when life gets tough...

Now imagine a baby abandoned at birth...

Laying in a metal crib in a sterile-looking room all day with a different person in a white coat feeding him each time...

not looking in his eyes and cooing and stroking and snuggling...

back in the crib...sometimes cries are answered...sometimes not...

for a year....

then all of a sudden...

someone comes...a lot...the same person...never in a white coat....she is always smiling...

she holds baby even after feeding time...working up to hours a day....even snuggling all night...

at first baby is not used to it and don't really like it....

But then starts to like it.

It becomes familiar.

And then....



Tons of different people in white coats!!

A metal crib...arms tied down to stop from pulling out all the tubes and wires...

Ears on fire with pain...

Someone is still there...still smiling and touching and then holding....

but it is too much.

He has too few reserves.

He shuts down.

This is what happened to Henry these past 2 weeks.

If you ever had the romantic notion that it is all sunshine and lollipops once a child raised in an institution hits his mommy's arms,,,,give it up now.

Henry was VERY well bonded to me before this last PICU experience...we had gone through 2 prior hospitalizations in October and February and got through them without regression...

not this time.

He will barely make eye contact. He is whining whenever he is not eating. Sleeping is very disturbed (I think he had a "night terror" at 2am)...

But I am determined.

We were strangers 6 months ago and attached....

We can do it again...

I wore him in a sling for 6 hours yesterday....

fed him from my fingers after he made eye contact...

sang to him....rocked with him....cuddled (even when he did not like it!)

We will take him from this...

To this....


Because that's what love does....

as he will learn.


  1. Heart-wrenching. Jesus, continue to strengthen them. You are in our prayers. Thank God for a mother's love. His grace is holding you up. ~Noreen

  2. I know you will Carla!!! You are the perfect mother for sweet Henry!!

  3. You will honey! I'm So Thankful that God orchestrated Henry coming into your lives; and So Confident He will continue to be Faithful through these trials!

  4. Poor baby. I'm so sad he's going through this (and that you're going through this!), but love will bring healing.

  5. sweet sweet baby. sweet sweet mama. praying for you both.

  6. Dear Lord, help sweet Henry see that his momma loves him and will only do what is best for him. Help him attach back to mommy quickly, so that he can heal body and soul. Amen

  7. Praying for you and sweet Henry, and asking for Mother Mary's prayers, too...

  8. Prayers for this intention, Carla. Hang in there.

  9. Praying, but confident you will be successful! Will also pray there is plenty of time to build reserves before the next challenge.

  10. I've been following your blog, Carla, and am just in awe of you. What a beautiful story you have here. I am so sorry for your baby running out of reserves, although its not surprising. Is there any way he can wait with his treatments until he is old enough to understand your explanations of what is about to happen? It helps so much when they can finally understand and also communicate their fears and frustrations.

  11. Good for you for never giving up on little Henry. He has been through so much! Only you alone know how much he has suffered. I will be saying a prayer that Henry will be able to open his heart again and learn to trust.

  12. I love you guys so much and miss you like crazy! I hope to come see you soon so I can give you my love and support in person. Henry is so lucky to have you for his Mama! Prayers and blessings to you and Paul during this rough time.

  13. This breaks my heart. To have lived through so much pain in such a short little life already... He will come through- the human spirit is an amazing thing, and with the love of a mother (another amazing thing!) pushing that spirit in the right direction, it'll click again!

  14. I also wanted to add to not give Julietta's comment undue weight. Children can and do regress when faced with overwhelming challenges - and they also come right back.

  15. Thanks for your support everyone!

    I dont give "Julietta's" comment any weight Dominika...she is a "troll" who is totally anti-adoption and goes around posting nasty stuff on our blogs...

    as for waiting to be able to explain the medical procedures to Henry, unfortunately that is not an option...he needs to get his cleft palate repaired ASAP (has already been delayed 3 times by his sicknesses)...and then he needs the VEPTR procedure to put titanium rods in his back to help his breathing (as in, he would eventually suffocate and die without this, probably before age 5)....

    again, thank you everyone for your support and prayers!!!!!

  16. Oh Carla I am so sorry. Many prayers coming your way. Poor little Henry.

  17. Carla,
    God has placed Henry right into the arms of the one who can meet all of his needs. Praise God you heard him call. Where would Henry be without your obedience?
    Each determined move you make is creating sunshine and lollipops for his future!

  18. Oh, sweet boy! And what a beautiful mama he has, who understands all about true love. I feel privileged to watch this boy grow up with your nurturing and care.

  19. Aw, baby Henry! I'm praying for you and your sweet mama, who has all the love, patience, and nurturing spirit needed to stick this out with you.

  20. Dear God, please help Henry heal his body and soul. I hope he's able to be well enough for healing surgery soon and reattaches to his family.

  21. this is such a beautiful post. what a wonderful mama you are!!! Prayers for you and sweet Henry.

  22. Praying for your re-attachment! Our O had major surgery just 9 months after being home. What a drastic change post-surgery and on-going up hill battle. You can do it! Praying for peace, strength and grace for the moment. May you feel the Father wrap his arms around you as you hold and bond with Henry!

  23. You are an inspiration to me, Carla. You embody the role of motherhood so beautifully.

  24. Oh, Carla...totally praying that this "re-attaching" process goes smoothly and quickly for you both.

    I have been very blessed to be able to follow your blog.

    Sending prayers your way...

    - Kimberly
    starting the process to adopt a 2yr. old little guy with DS

  25. God gave him to you, because He knew from the beginning of time you would be the one. You would love him and love and love him, the way all babies are supposed to be loved. The way He loves them.

    Sending prayers your way.
    I think I commented to you before, but not sure if I did...I have a cleft lip/palate baby and in the wee hours of the night when I'm feeding him, I always think of your baby and others like him in the orphanages and the special care it takes to feed them and how blessed our babies are to have us to love them and feed them patiently (it takes time and love which we have) but I think also about the babies still there, who don't get that love, the love that was intended for them. The love they all deserve.

    I cry and I pray.
    I want to scream of the injustice.

    God bless you, I'm praying for you and your sweet baby.

  26. I love your blog! I have a 4 year old son with Down syndrome and have been actively working to raise awareness for orphans with Down syndrome. Is there any chance I could get an email address to contact you? bradymurray34@gmail


  27. Yes you will, Carla. He continues to be in our prayers. Now we'll be praying for something specific. Hugs and high fives to you.

  28. Praying for you and sweet Henry, and hoping that reattachment will happen quickly.