Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The Tears of a Mother

This thing called international special needs adoption that we (and all the other prospective parents working with Reece's Rainbow and other amazing organizations) have embarked on is crazy...
 
humanly crazy!!!!
 
Delays...
 
Uncertainty....
 
Huge sums of money.......
 
I was up last night at 3am in the stifling heat and humidity here in the south 'burbs of Chicago (after weeks and weeks of cold it switched abruptly to 94 degrees and disgustingly humid).
 
I got a coll drink of water and then went around to check on my 6 sleeping children, ages 18 down to 2. Ruffled curly hair in the humidity, adjusted blanket on a 6ft 3in teenage frame, moved a stuffed animal back into pudgy little arms...
 
and just as I thought "look at them all sleeping so peacefully!".....
 
it hit me like a ton of bricks.
 
My 7th baby.
 
I don't know if he is sleeping peacefully.
 
I don't know if he is healthy.
 
I don't know if he is even going to be mine....this year...or anytime.
 
And I cried.
 
Huge sobs in the bathroom so no one could hear.
 
Cried out to God.
 
For myself and for Henry.
 
This morning I know that the tears of a mother are NEVER WASTED. No matter what happens, here or in  Henry's country.
 
But last night I cried.
 
 

4 comments:

  1. praying for you- and for LUCKY #7!

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  2. Oh Carla this made me cry! He will be home soon!

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  3. Carla, thank you so much for sharing this with me. THANK YOU!! I too wish we were closer. I am in Indiana and we are experiencing the same weather you are up there. HUGS

    Christie

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  4. It's so amazing when the "switch" happens and you become that child's mother even though you don't have them yet. That maternal desire to protect them and provide for them - when they are so far away and everything feels so uncertain, is at once heart wrenching and at the same time incredibly beautiful.

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